Sosic of seeing fat.

well. after i depressing day full of blood,tears and vomitt!
i am ready to go to sleep.. AFTER i update you on what had happend today after my binge.
After massive binge/Before dinner : I went out with my dad, walked quite a bit i suppose.. but not enough, got some diet pills.
After Dinner : Showered, purged, actually i purged IN the shower hahaha, then i went for a job outside in the cold with a t shirt to burn more calories, then drank ice water for the rest of the day, i did about 150 jumping jacks and 250 jumping rope things.
i broke down after looking in the mirror and seeing how fat i was, i cut... and beat myself up literally, ive been doing that a lot lately. i also ripped out a chunk of hair.

im such a fuck up.
tomorrow i plan on going with no food, and HOPEFULLY that fucking gym i registered at will call me to tell me my membership has been confirmed. im getting sick of waiting.
well good night ladys and gents. im going to sleep and dream of me binging as i do everynight for some odd reason.