Sosic of seeing fat.

Waaaaaaah sorry :)! ahahah
i went to a concert with my friend last night, she is obssesed with the singer "Lights" haha shes not to bad i must say. she is a skinny little thing so the whole time i was at the concert i was just thinking "what a lucky bitch. i bet she eats whatever the fuck she wants" ahhaha. ANYWAYS. the concert was nice but boy oh boy did i miss this blog and whyeat.net
I dont even want to tell you about my past 2 days. ive lost complete control but im gaining it back.
i have a NEWER plan. im going to stop writing in my mini notebook because i find thats not helping as much as i thought it would. im going to try to get these diet pills called proactol.
www.proactol.com
they sound pretty legit! im going to see if my mommy will order them for me. Merry christmas to me :) hahah HOPEFULLY.
also im going EXTREMELY strict on my new "diet" if thats what you want to call anorexia/bulimia.
well this is what i used to do, i used to fast a lot but when it came down to be nibbling on some food i never limited myself to what it was, whether it was fast for a couple days then eat a 200 calorie treat then fast again. or fast for a day then binge on whatever i seen then fast for a couple days. OR fast for a few days then have a few bites of dinner then fast again.
you get the idea. i basically ate whatever when i could (just EXTREMELY small portions) which is why i think THAT is why im having more trouble fasting then i use to. and THAT is why i think it leads to me binging/purging more now.
so im turning vegetarian for one. no meat. (obviously) no pasta, no junk food, no bread. when i decide to eat an egg (which i never really ate anyways) i will only eat the white. no rice, exsept maybe 1 cup of brown rice just for a treat.
what does this leave me? fruits and vegetables. THAT is what im going to live off of for the rest of my life.
i will fast every other day untill i get the strenthg (or money for appetite suppresants) to go for a long fast.
this is my plan for the next week:

Sunday-Fast, to cleanse my body since i binged/purged today YUCK.
Monday - Vegetables, whether it be 2 pieces of broccoli or a little bit more, depending on what ana says.
Tuesday - Fast
Wednesday - Fruit, same as Monday
Thursday - Fast
Friday - Vegetables
Saturday - Fast
Sunday - Fruits and vegetables.

I will not eat anything more then 200 calories. and i will go to the gym every damn day.
and if Mia DOES decide to take action i will binge on "under 100 calorie Cup-a-Soup" easy to purge, and still low in calories since all the soups range from 35-75 calories.

dont get me wrong! i never ate as much as im making it sound. but some of you may know how it is, you go all day without eating but eat one french fry.
that was like me. so maybe if i just cut all that out, i will stop craving it and stop binging and such.
catch my drift? sure hope so.
even if you dont FORGET ABOUT IT haha. because that is the fast, and the yucky old me. also im going to drink more water now. i used to live off of diet soda. im going to limit that now to about 2-3 a day to keep me full.
well. im going to roll out now! tomorrow i got a busy day, im goingto be on the road pretty much all day. woo hoo. haha

p.s. I GOT MARIANAS TRENCH'S OLD CD! yes i said OLD. i couldnt find it anywhere untill i went to ottawa yesturday and found it! YAAYAAA!
p.s.s i also got a ouija board. awwwww shit! scary shit hahaha. ive always wanted one :)
nighty night my fellow skinnys :)