Really pissed and getting annoyed
12:18 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
im really pissed off and annoyed with myself.
what im trying to understand is .. how in the HELL can i want to be so thin, but cant even keep the commitment of not eating..
im a bigger pig then i thought. i mean come on? whats so great about food anyways?
i personally dont believe in god, or heaven or anything. and now i REALLY dont believe in it. if their was a god, why would he create something so evil such as food. its such an addiction.
i would rather be addicted to crack then food. i would rather kill a cat then eat!
yah it sounds creepy,crazy, stupid, and all that fucked up shit.
but honestly! i cant take it anymore.
im getting really discouraged and im starting to think "i cannot have an eating disorder if i give in to food" ... ever think that?
yuck yuck yuck.
im such a slob.
i stole some diet pills today though hahaha! called Lean+ Extra Strength. reviews have been pretty good so im excited to try them out. so far what i have read online is people have had success losing weight with these things.
and.. as bad as this next thing may sound.
i am going to buy some Ecstasy tomorrow to help start a fast. i use to pop E like it was candy (but better cause these actually help LOSE weight hahaha)
i wouldnt recommend it to anyone though, it has fucked up my body terribly, the doctor said by the time im thirty i probobly wont be able to walk because the E drained out so much of my spinal fluid.
but i DONT care. i cant even go 2 days without eating anymore. when i did E i went WEEKS!
well... a weeek and a half tops. its been about a month since ive done E.
im such a mess.
look at me.. talkinga bout killin cats and popping pills in a damn blog!
lol oh well.
p.s.i checked my weight this morning and i was a solid 105. so i lost one pound.
a million dollars says i gained it back plus probobly more because i binged on the worst possible foods you could ever imagine today. LET ME POST SOME PICTURES! :D laaame.
i only had a couple of these.. but still YUCK.
look good right? oh buddy they are fucking delicious. but dont let the picture on the box fool you, sure they may look sweet and innocent but the 270 calories really bring you down afterwards. but that didnt stop me, oh no sir.. CHECH THIS OUT
these are my fucking favourite. not going to lie. and im pissed my dad gets them all the time, i usually turn them down. but you know, a binge is a binge. i was greatful he got them this time. now i wana kill him and "little debbie" the creator of these little pieces of "heaven" 190 calories though! SHHIITT
pizza, who hates pizza. 190 calories for this little sucker... not to bad for pizza.. but YUCK
i only had half of this. thank god because a full one is 300, so half is 150.
BUT WAIT THERES MORE!
just no pictures,
i had a dang Tuna Melt! the first time in my life. its an english muffin (one half) with tuna (chunky light) and cheese. you stick it in a toaster oven and there you have a tuna melt.
Calories = approximatly 300 .. if not more .
on top of that i had ONE "Fruit bite" which is 60 calories. AND i had a small normal green salad with 5 calorie salad dressing. and i had one small piece of melon, cantaloupe, a grape, one slice of an apple and one small piece of a pineapple.
now that the fucking grocery list is done! LETS TALLY UP THE CALORIES.
YIKES
soo..
270 + 190 + 190 + 150 + 300 + 60 = 1160.
and thats not including that salad and fruit. so add another say .. 60.. thats 1220.
PROBOBLY EVEN MORE
holy fucking hell.
days like this im glad no one reads this blog ;)
tomorrows a new day though ... right ? diet pills and all that joyful stuff will be included in my day.
ppppppppp PEACEEE
what im trying to understand is .. how in the HELL can i want to be so thin, but cant even keep the commitment of not eating..
im a bigger pig then i thought. i mean come on? whats so great about food anyways?
i personally dont believe in god, or heaven or anything. and now i REALLY dont believe in it. if their was a god, why would he create something so evil such as food. its such an addiction.
i would rather be addicted to crack then food. i would rather kill a cat then eat!
yah it sounds creepy,crazy, stupid, and all that fucked up shit.
but honestly! i cant take it anymore.
im getting really discouraged and im starting to think "i cannot have an eating disorder if i give in to food" ... ever think that?
yuck yuck yuck.
im such a slob.
i stole some diet pills today though hahaha! called Lean+ Extra Strength. reviews have been pretty good so im excited to try them out. so far what i have read online is people have had success losing weight with these things.
and.. as bad as this next thing may sound.
i am going to buy some Ecstasy tomorrow to help start a fast. i use to pop E like it was candy (but better cause these actually help LOSE weight hahaha)
i wouldnt recommend it to anyone though, it has fucked up my body terribly, the doctor said by the time im thirty i probobly wont be able to walk because the E drained out so much of my spinal fluid.
but i DONT care. i cant even go 2 days without eating anymore. when i did E i went WEEKS!
well... a weeek and a half tops. its been about a month since ive done E.
im such a mess.
look at me.. talkinga bout killin cats and popping pills in a damn blog!
lol oh well.
p.s.i checked my weight this morning and i was a solid 105. so i lost one pound.
a million dollars says i gained it back plus probobly more because i binged on the worst possible foods you could ever imagine today. LET ME POST SOME PICTURES! :D laaame.
i only had a couple of these.. but still YUCK.
look good right? oh buddy they are fucking delicious. but dont let the picture on the box fool you, sure they may look sweet and innocent but the 270 calories really bring you down afterwards. but that didnt stop me, oh no sir.. CHECH THIS OUT
these are my fucking favourite. not going to lie. and im pissed my dad gets them all the time, i usually turn them down. but you know, a binge is a binge. i was greatful he got them this time. now i wana kill him and "little debbie" the creator of these little pieces of "heaven" 190 calories though! SHHIITT
pizza, who hates pizza. 190 calories for this little sucker... not to bad for pizza.. but YUCK
i only had half of this. thank god because a full one is 300, so half is 150.
BUT WAIT THERES MORE!
just no pictures,
i had a dang Tuna Melt! the first time in my life. its an english muffin (one half) with tuna (chunky light) and cheese. you stick it in a toaster oven and there you have a tuna melt.
Calories = approximatly 300 .. if not more .
on top of that i had ONE "Fruit bite" which is 60 calories. AND i had a small normal green salad with 5 calorie salad dressing. and i had one small piece of melon, cantaloupe, a grape, one slice of an apple and one small piece of a pineapple.
now that the fucking grocery list is done! LETS TALLY UP THE CALORIES.
YIKES
soo..
270 + 190 + 190 + 150 + 300 + 60 = 1160.
and thats not including that salad and fruit. so add another say .. 60.. thats 1220.
PROBOBLY EVEN MORE
holy fucking hell.
days like this im glad no one reads this blog ;)
tomorrows a new day though ... right ? diet pills and all that joyful stuff will be included in my day.
ppppppppp PEACEEE
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