Sosic of seeing fat.

Even after going on a huge rant about my brother previously.
i just had a huge binge i dont knwo why i binged! i dont even want to add up the calories. my stomach hurts from being so full and i can barely move! i jumped from 102 to 106. sure it may not be ALL fat. im bloated and lots of water weight and such but blah! the feeling of not empty is disgusting and painful.
totaly learned my lesson! problem is im so full i cant move let alone excersize. what a lame excuse eh.
im so disappointed in myself its unbeleavable. you know whats funny? when i was 106 BEFORE i was always so happy. always thinking "YES! i went from 108 to 106" then i kepy fluctuating from 106-108. now i fluctuate from 102-106 and i think 106 is absoloutly disgusting and unacceptable.
Thanks to a comment on my last post i am NOT going to let this binge affect me..sure i feel guilty,disgusting,fainfully full etc.
but tomorrow is another day and i WILL be 100 by christmas. im promising myself and EVERYONE else hopefully my weight doesnt go up any higher then 106 tomorrow...tomorrow this is my meal plan
ALLDAY: No food, just water. NO DIET SODA NOTHING.

for Sunday a salad at 4:00pm then burn it off.

and i honestly know i can do it. i know im strong enough to say no to a thing that has no feelings or emotions. Its just food right!
plus its christmas breeak. most people might think it would be harder to restrict. but usually when im home all day i can do it easier. i will keep myself busy. im thinking lots of funny christmas shows! Baking, shopping, excersize. well we will see how it goes.

GAH MY STOMACH HURTS. i never realized how much i hated the feeling of being full. makes me love the feeling of an empty stomach so much more!